I feel pretty exhausted after my first day back at work. It has been a pretty busy day and having to contribute to a presentation at short notice really had the adrenaline going. I feel drained from all the work I have been doing lately. It is as if I have had to lock a part of myself away whilst I do all my work - entering some sort of survival mode. To be honest with the sheer amount of work, I haven’t even had the time to stop and reflect.

Now, I have afforded myself some time to think, it is unsettling to know that I have been stubbornly soldiering on - all work and no life balance. My work over the next 2, maybe 3 months, does not look like relenting, so I am not sure what to do really. I cannot go on like this indefinitely. I am so off balance, I could not possibly hope to stay on track. But what compromise can I make?

I have in the last few months made some time to relax, time away from all the projects I am working on. I have even kept to some of them, but it is hard. It is not a wholly relaxing time. The sheer weight of work left outside, hammers rudely at the door and screams through the letter box; demanding attention. It is an effort just to ignore it and ‘concentrate’ on relaxing. Then perhaps finally I will start relaxing, when my work-hardened-subconscious will let float some sort of bubble of panic that ruins any sense of peace. I have had short bursts of this busyness in my life before, but never quite this intense, and never for such a sustained period.

So far I have a few ideas in terms of easing the stress. One is to write more frequntly in my journal. To try keep perspective, to make sure I have some sort of self peeking through. The second idea is to become a little better organised, so my workload doesnt seem like a mountain of chaos, with an avalanche suspected at any time. The third idea is just to make sure I fit in time to relax, even if I cannot keep thoughts of work at bay.

Come June, my workload should have significantly reduced, hopefully along with some of my debt, and I can look forward to such luxuries as free weekends, and possibly even a holiday!

Posted by Andrew on Monday, April 2nd, 2007 at 8:12 pm.