I am not blind. My eyes are not closed to life passing by my window. Yet something is impaired. A wealth of stimuli floods my eyes, but then what. My senses itch but then what….Here lies the problem. I have a lot of trouble articulating the ‘feelings’. I observe but cannot capture the sensory perception.
It is both frustrating and fascinating. What is the fix? How much of the solution is ‘training the eye’ and how much is re-sensitising. I have not grown callused eyes, nor callused senses. Yet something inside is lame, but lame through lack of use or through disability. There are so many grey areas, but really the answer is not so important.
Moving forward there is really only one solution. Practise - physiotherapy for the mind. I need to poke and prod, I need to observe and feel, and attempt to make sense, attempt to capture and express. Paint with words that which I see or sense. Most of all I need to be patient when I am painting with a beginners hand, tolerate producing pictures that I cannot match to my vision. Then have faith that I can get better.
It is one of the challenges that makes me want to come back to the page.
“For me one of the joys of writing is articulating something I have felt, but never expressed before”
Julia Bell
